Ojantric

Chithi Chapati

2010-12-30T05:31:00.007+05:30

Suddhasattwa Brahma --> Priyodorshi Banerjee I think we, the bengali middle class, have finally achieved the height of our cultural ascendancy. If you don't believe me listen, rather watch, to the song "Khokababu jay......". Finally a cultural revolution beyond Rabindranath and Jibanananda.....

hmm.. gombheer... koto bibhinno store amar mostishko je chhitke chhitke chotke gelo ta ei bhor ratre kawthay likhte bosha boroi chitto damadol'kor ek enterprise... tao onek gulo kotha shotti'i mone holo...

keno jani na video ta dekhe amar mone holo kothao ekta ascendancy bote... tobe horek proshno.. thik kishe ascendancy? kar ascendancy? keno ascendancy? ar ektu toliye dekhle boro "bhobo-unmaad'kor" kishob conclusion berochche.. ek post'e shesh hobe ki??

jodi amar monei holo ascendancy, tobe keno emon mone holo?? karon amader khub porichito Bollywood naach gaan gulo to prai hubuhu ei dhoroner ... of course aro komor jhakate hobe, maati-boma guloke agun boma banate hobe aro koto ki... kintu e to ekkebare ghore toiri marathi khabar.. bhalo lagbe na keno... tahole motamuti besh bhaloi amra onyer moto hoye uthte pari... khub shohoje tahole 'adapt' kore nite pari... erokom poromarthik ascendancy bhalo to lagbei.. bah!!

tobe etar credit kar??? oi bengali middle classer dike jehetu tui angul tulli, tai amay abaro bhabte boshte holo.. boro durbol oi 'class'tar proti.. of course ekta middle class production team full of bengalees oi tollygunje'er studio ar poilan'er mathe ghate otibo porishrom kore ei ascendancy ene diyechhe.. toh??? ei 'totum pro parte' ta to thik noy bondhu.. middle-class production team'er ei cultural ascendancy to somogro bengali middle class'er bhitor biliye dewa jabe na.. sheta onyay... je jeta koreni, shetar credit she pabe na.. hahaha

tobe khub swabhabik proshno.. jei koruk ojotha emon korbe keno... motivation chhara ki keu emni emni emon ascendancy pai?? na na keu ta pai na.. motivation ta kintu amar khub binoto mot'e 'cattle-class'er [kottor marxbadi'der boli, bhasha porimarjoniyo], thik oto ta middle class'er noy... jodi abar karur oi cattle class jukti ti'r proti birodh thake tobe marxbadi'der line dhore boli, desh'er reservation dorkar karon koto ekta bishal shotangsho (shottor'er opore) oi kono na kono bishesh class dhari, ebong sod orthe middle class noy.... kintu aha tarao to bajar.. kichhu bechar bajar, kichhu beche khawar bajar.. tai ei bajar tai shob byajar kore dilo re... khete shobai chai, bangali boro bhojon roshik, tai 2pice peye roshogolla-pantua boroi upadeyo... tai oi middle class chhora chhokra'r team ta emon ascendancy'r motivation pai... middle-class'er ar koto tuku obodaan....

punoshcho: ami apatoto kolkatay... bengalee der ei ascendancy sombondhe sompurno 'onwakibohal' chhilam.... ordho golardho duur theke ei revolution'er baani amar kaane pouchholo... prrithiba te je boroi chhoto jodi onno kothao shuto badha thake, eta bhebeo hothat mon'ta kemon udash ar bhalo ek sathe hoye gelo...

On Unhappiness

2010-03-20T21:17:00.003+05:30

It all started when Krishnendu and I sat down one night to discern what happiness is! Some very old questions that popped in our minds were – what is the ambit of ‘Happiness’; what is ‘Unhappiness’ then; what is the correlation between the two!! Whatever I say, whatever I theorize hereinafter, I must admit that the continued pervasion of life with ‘strife’, ‘conflict’, ‘misery’ and the like leads (rather misleads) to the conclusion that Happiness does not exist at all. However this theory is not a general one regarding happiness as such… this theory essentially explores ‘what if’ the a priori assumption of non-existence of Happiness is true. The purpose of this exercise in particular does not concern Happiness in fact but merely attempts to find a logical conclusion of death in a system in which Happiness simply does not exist & life is essentially a treatment in Unhappiness.

Like any other theory, this one also has a couple of assumptions – these are the ‘a priori’, which we assume as true. The veracity of these assumptions can and I promise shall be debated at some later time. (To give away the truth, I myself have serious questions as to their correctness, but nonetheless it doesn’t concern me here.)

The Assumptions

1. Happiness does not exist
2. Unhappiness permeates Human Life

The Definition of Variables

I. ‘L’ is the variable for individual human life which can exist in either of two states – when one is alive & when one is dead. Therefore,
a. L = 1, shall imply that an individual is alive
b. L = 0, shall imply that an individual is dead

II. ‘U’ is the variable for individual human unhappiness which also can exist in either of two states.
a. U = 1, shall imply the existence of unhappiness
b. U = 0, shall imply the cessation of unhappiness

III. Both ‘L’ and ‘U’ denote the state of the variables and not their quantity.

What might bother someone is the practical reconciliation of emotions usually experienced and termed as ‘Happiness’ within such a framework. It is to be noted that happiness is only relative unhappiness. To explain, suppose ‘A’ is possessed with 2units of ‘U’ while B has 3units of ‘U’. This would effectively imply that A is happier than B because A has lesser quantity of unhappiness than B. Hence Happiness is only relative Unhappiness!

The Principle

The value of ‘U’ shall be ‘1’ ONLY IF the value of ‘L’ is ‘1’

The Explanation and Implications

The principle is significant as it stands. There is certainly the possibility of drawing corollaries from the same – however it is important to avoid a few logical errors while deriving one.

The Principle DOES NOT imply that U=0 when L=0. Had it been so, it would imply that with the cessation of human life effective happiness increases, since U is reduced to non-existence.

However, due to ‘ONLY IF’ operator in the Principle, ‘U’ shall come into existence only when L=1. Hence any study of ‘U’ shall be subject to the fact that ‘L’ remains as ‘1’. Therefore if L=0, then ‘U’ does not come into play at all.

To further explain, when ΣL=0, there shall be no perception of ‘U’ or ΣU at all (where Σ represents the function for the entire humankind). In such a situation there shall be no concept of either ‘Happiness’ or ‘Unhappiness’.

Hence, it CANNOT be claimed that death breeds happiness! That is, cessation of human life shall in no circumstance lead to decrease of relative unhappiness!

A Saturday

2010-03-19T04:36:00.000+05:30

A lazy Saturday late morning sleep gets punctuated by an ISD.. The pleasure of getting movie advice sought over an international call, priceless.. The old VISA ad comes bk to my mind... "For everything else thers Mastercard!"... I dont have one.. bt i hav frends who can not only fill in for tht plastic commodity bt fill ur soul with joy, priceless...

And suddenly I hav a lazy Saturday to lay back, roll-up and light up!!! The vague haze of past time makes me think of time as such... how life goes in circular orbits... how every one of us are placed on one of them... and so many orbits intersect.... and they keep meeting in rounds... at times the orbits have bigger radii and so even after revolutions their paths shall nevr meet... but only those at tandem shal keep meeting.. no matter hw long a revolution takes..

A revolution.. isnt life one? in all the senses of the word.. be it causing one or fighting one or even paving the path for one.. the stirrup in this huge endeavour are those threads of connection to the yester-time.. Isnt it all about completing the circle?? Isnt it abt returning to the comfort of the dreams of that past memory..??

Its so abt being as close to one as one had been yesterday to have movie suggestions, no matter what!!

Bon'er Pakhi ... The Freebird

2010-01-28T01:54:00.003+05:30

“Not that anything of moment happened that morning. It was simply a non momentous day in a momentous time. A day to sit and wait for the seconds, hours and minutes to tick.” [1]. Nothing happened either that morning or the night prior, or even during the week that ensued.

The micro and the macro analysis are ever so different be that of what it is. Yes, the broader picture of me remaining as morbid as I usually am, never changed. Something sublime just stirred deep within somewhere at too micro a plane but somehow managing forever to remain innocuous to one and all.. to everyone, somehow defying the much hyped – Butterfly Effect!!

Someone just got liberated! Nahh! That didn’t sound huge. But for heaven’s sake I am screaming out loud that someone just got LIBERATED! Liberation at the level of an individual, a liberation from the estrangement that we choose to perpetuate with each breath of ours, demolishing the alienation that causes me to hold on to my ego and not reach out even when I know I should, breaking free from all that pushes an individual to choose oblivion. Someone just got liberated!

A friend just died… not literally may be… but definitely he died. Death to me today represents a barrier between me and my realizations. And perhaps also a barrier between the ‘ought’ and the ‘is’! Death physically represents a distance, a distance that is an incentive itself – ballyhooing all that is lost and all the ‘to be achieved’ and ‘to be realized’ organized on the other side. He just crossed that line; I am left behind. That he has reached the other side is death, a death in the civil society that I live in. He left his alienation behind. He made even the ennui of time seem momentous!

Liberty no longer remains as a definable word to me. It no longer implies to me the freedom from external control – it rather is now, the independence from my own confinements created by the alienation that pervades my existence; it is the shearing of that very same estrangement that demarcates the line between me and death, between me and my friend. Goodbye Tanay!

[1] Ruchira Sen, A Winter Morning

Unending Meanders

2009-08-01T06:49:00.002+05:30

Where is ur end
Oh my oldest dear friend?
You the one on whom I've trodden so long;
Are life's cherished reality,
Are the poignant truth song.

A vagabond of my like is tethered to ur tune;
With ease he crosses the vales and sad dunes -
Sojourning through the meanders,
For he just wishes to know
Where this path shall lead him, & where he shall go!

Where the horizon meets the sky blue,
Whence the real assumes a fuzzy hue,
I perhaps see my friend,
There is no end to you...
Like a wisp of memory smeared
This road merges into another
With a new rhythm, starting anew.

The Redemption of a Stoic

2009-07-29T06:00:00.002+05:30

I dont know what had been the real reason behind me turning into the present me, at least the me I am being for the past one month now, but I know tht I had not borne a lot of things well - at least not with the grace with which I expect myself to carry things about.

Yes, I hv my own set of problems much lyk anyone else around me, but i pause to think now whether that is reason enough to push back those who are tryng to help! But i cant but blame circumstances and not myself fr all that is transpiring. After all, one has to halt somewher and ask as to how much is expected out of ones ownself. I am not going to go into the whole deal abt 'that is lyf' and 'thats hw thngs are' sort of crap.

I mean look at me... I personally cant believe tht this is the same me that has alws been singing out loud abt Stoicism and all blah, who has now to sit and write this. I guess the beginning of the journey ahead shud be with an admission of guilt, an admission of failure. [Again there it pinches!! My ego hurts to do this!! After all had trouble at home, lost Whiskey, friends are dispersing fast, getting vulnerable, becoming a true cynic infact! So wht was I supposed to have done..]

I guess its true that a tree which bends in the wind does nt break. The root of my problems lie in the fact that i refused to be that tree. Standng upryt with all my ego all these years, refusing to admit my own fallacy has finally led me to this brink. I cant help but smile now at least - that i realised this. I mean ths is not the end of my stoicism but just gettin it renewed for a second round (then agn may be this is just another fallacious reasoning of mine).. The redemption of a stoic i suppose can never be that easy; specially for one who has failed once before.. The lifelong payment that needs to b made in compensation is perhaps this confusion, one that stems from the disloyalty that has been exhibited before. Its about accepting this at face value and moving on to make the best out of the rest. There perhaps is no end to the unending meanders inside one's own mind, and hence like everything else, there is no absolute redemption as well...

To Them and Just Them

2009-03-28T06:00:00.000+05:30

Its the early hours of a Saturday morning... hav spent the evening and the night playing 29 and the remaining hour watching Boston Legal, seeing Denny and Allan celebrate their friendship on that terrace for the 'n'th number of time... And right then the net came back on.. It was an automatic reaction to get back to Orkut and check that thread on Mrs. Goswami's farewell..

I dont know; I am finding it extremely difficult to cope with the proposition that both Goswami and Dantes are retiring in a matter of one year... In fact to make things more ironic Ma'am retires today. Preposterous!!!

I know that I have a huge propensity of getting institutionalised. But then again, this is not just about them alone.. Goswami and Dantes are somewhere very tightly packed together with other memories that involves a lot many other people and yeah, some other memories as well.. For them to retire is kind of like the knell sounding for everything..

I dont know, to be honest, how to react. Right from the time, day before, I came to know about Dantes retiring as well, well, I am not well. At first I thought that I shall unjoin from all the school related forums on Orkut. I dont know why that ever crossed my mind. I guess its an angry rush at everything. Yes! for once I am angry that I am growing old... I am angry that the world is trying to tell me that its normal - no its not, come on, how can it be so to realise that all that you cherish shall and is coming to a halt!!!! And yes, I've read those fancy lines about these things being like a chapter coming to an end - BULLSHIT!!! This is the bloody whole book ending. I didnt ask for it - so bloody hell I've a right to be angry.

"For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone."

These lines were first explained by Mr. Dantes quite a few years back. In all my sincerity I believed that I understood them, only to realise today that then I knew only a part of it. The tremendous craving of an individual to keep even memories to himself, safe and wrapped up, attempting to relish them forever for one's own self-fulfillment is indeed painful and perhaps the primordial 'error'.

Goswami and Dantes kind of represents my idealism, my hope, my dreams, may be because it was largely for them that I learnt to dream. Its indeed a mad rush now inside my brain - I can see Goswami shouting (literally) in class about Tom Brown's Schooldays, her innumerable quips; I can see Dantes reading out 'Et tu Brute!', as also never agreeing with my interpretation of the last lines of 'Song of Myself'... But this is how I learnt to dream.

I dont know, why I am typing this out and that too publishing it on the net. My blog has always been about nostalgia I guess; be it the post on returning home for Pujo or the picture albums of Manipal, Jaisalmer, New York.... I know that this coming summer shall be the last one that we school friends shall be able to spend together.. Life forcing us out of the immediate life of each other.. Goswami retiring today, and Dantes a year after... Amidst all this may be this is my means of having a cathartic remedy of the malady of my life.....

Goog Pic Tag

2008-09-25T22:07:00.021+05:30

The first thing that this blog should do is shout out a huge 'Thank You' to Hakuna... Nah!! Its not just for getting me back to blogging by pestering me to do so, but for providing me with something in the form of this tag, to take my mind away from a lot of things.... U see, I am a bit messed up at this point....

The customary rules for this Tag: For each question, look up the answer in a Google Image Search. Then choose your favourite from the first page of results only.

1. My Age:

2. I'm Passionate About:

3. My Favorite Place:

4. I Have a thing for:

5. My Comfort Zone:

6. My favourite Animal:

7. My kind of Art:

8. The City where I was born:

9. The town where I live:

10. A past pet:

11. A past Love:

12. Current Love:

13. My Best Friend's Nick name: (never thought this shall come up.... :P)

14. I want:

15. My Screen name:

16. A Bad Habit of mine:

17. A Dream:

18. My First Job:

19. I miss:

20. What I'm doing right now?:

And now comes my chance to tag someone... and lemme tell u that I'm doing it for the first time... so am a bit excited to find out who all respond to this...
1. Anirban, aka Picco... for the same reason that I was tagged.... he needs to come back to blogging...
2. Sohini, for all the missed tags till date... just trying to make it up for that... [:P].. I know this is no justice but still...
3. Auddy, for he never posts anything that is not serious...
4. Hakuna, for I am sadistic, and want her to do all this once again.. and I know that shes gonna do it... hehehe rather, HAHAHAHA...
5. Srirupa, for keeping a blogskin of the colour that I generally dont like at all.. [:P]

New York, 2008

2008-07-26T15:17:00.005+05:30

Tenth Time For Her

2007-10-24T02:30:00.000+05:30

The Journey Onwards - 17th October

2007-10-17T17:10:00.000+05:30

Oh just trust me, it is not one of those greatest of things to be stuck in the airport for about ten hours, with nothing to do and no fags to entertain yourself with. It is ridiculous on my part to be actually be putting myself in such a sorry shit. This is not to say that J.D.Salinger is not one of the coolest reads, but that is only when u r not as shifty as me… being me, it is really difficult to be putting upto more than a sixty page without a break. I have been trying to get through to a power point for this laptop of mine… lousy airport almost all the points are screwed up… spent an hour sitting outside the terminal and smoking away the remaining of my two fags… and contemplating that I shall not be able to do that for the coming week… God!! Not a single one… How am I to be surviving the ordeal… I am hungry and that I am not exactly loaded at this moment with cash… there is a CCD right across from the seat where I have parked my ass for the rest of the ten hour wait… am a sly bastard… just waiting to get home to get some cash as well to pay off the debts that I have… now from here do not assume too much… I am not a spendthrift or something… I got myself in this sorry mess of money matters just in an attempt to prove to my folks that my carrying cost is not that high. In fact I just don’t wanna give them a reason to punch me at my gut for not getting a GPA above 8… that is simply out of question. I would rather spend a more rigorous life without food and booze than waste it on some stupid GPA… I am much more than that…

I guess something is surely very wrong with me… this time as I am going back to Kolkata, it is not the hundred percent of me that is having this overwhelming happiness for the event… this is not to say that I do not wanna go back… but just that I am not totally gaga over this… guess, people change with time… and that I have. Half of me wanted to stay back at the university… I dunno perhaps the crazy schedule also affords some kind of a security that is totally not there as I take this way back home… my life, its uncertainties, its romanticism for Bohemia is all perhaps personified by the university life… man, I miss it… I miss the late night bakchodis, I miss the all so many weird people… I miss the little duties that have been entrusted upon me – waking people up… cant let go off this beloved alarm clock duty of mine… called up Gop even today as I sat on the pavement outside the terminal… only the guy was up and hogging at the mess…

I always thought that educated India has gone beyond that phase of having too many children. Just at this point sitting right infront of me is a couple with four kids…. Fuck!! Four. How do hey manage for heaven’s sake… and all of them girls… and the parents look all too educated… educated my foot… rabbitish fools.

The CCD sandwiches and coffee is really beckoning me… but I have promised myself that I shall not be allowing that grab before noon… and it is only 9 20… fine I shall survive… I plan to catch a movie and move on to Kolkata… lets see.. shall definitely add up to let know about the outcome… remember I am all too shifty to be actually abiding by a plan even though it is me who has formulated it… hahaha… [;-D]

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Okay it is eleven only now, I could not hold it any longer and so I have got a sandwich for my self… the damn paneer sandwich is 79 bucks… anyday I shall prefer our good old Janta over this rubbish…

To make things worse, some guy just came over from nowhere to plug out the charge point from my laptop claiming that the power source is not meant for this but something else. Fuck them all!!!! So here I guess will be the end of the writing part of the journey… I m already half way through the thing… spent more than four hours already… just when I was planning to catch a movie on ma laptop that this had to happen…

I guess it is right as well in someway or the other… it is time again to do some justice to good ole Salinger…

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Okay it is now about 3 10, and there is still some two hours for the flight. I have security checked in and all and have perhaps got one of the window seats with that smile of mine. [;)] Now there is really some updates to be registered for the intervening three hours. At the very beginning it is a happy note to update that I have once more got hold of a power source for my laptop…

Okay the first one and a half hours after I shut down my lappy had been one those the boring times I have been through. Had nothing else to do and just sat there with my sandwich and ate it with all the finesse that I could muster. Decided to take out the book once more… but just that I was not in the right mood for it. Kept on dozing off in between. Those on and off kind off doses of dozings. I could see new faces around me. The old crowd have got through the boarding and perhaps by now have even reached their destinations and here I am all stuck up. A gang of foreigners then gathered around me at the lobby. They were pleasant and not very showy and flashy kind of. In fact a bunch of elderly people. But since I could not strike up a conversation, it meant nothing to me. To my right the seats were occupied by a group of four young guys. I did not like them at all… but again I am judging by appearances. They were precisely the kind of people I usually dislike at the first glance… giggling, showy, talking in crude Hindi… just yuck. So I kept dozing on and off.

Finally at around 12 30 I decided that I had had enough of this boredom, so decided to just move out of the airport to have a smoke, after all how long am I supposed to be without them, specially left all to myself, bored.

Walked up to the gate, but was intercepted by the guard there.

Bhaiyan ekbar jaane dijiye na, Flight to sham ko hai.

To andar kya kar rahe hain.

Arre! Jaye to kaha jaye. Isliye aa gaye iha pe…

Phir andar hi rahiye…

Fine man, there’s exactly where I have been keeping. But I had no intention of going back to my old seat, specially as that bunch of stupids kept on ogling me as I was having this ‘beautiful’ time at the gate to get out of the place for a while. I walked to the other end of the lobby to find a Baskin Robbins counter. Aha! Ice-creams can cool me off for a while, but there is some four and a half more hours to spend in this god damn place.

I sat in front of one of those tourist shops selling one and everything from cigarettes to books. Finished my alphonso flavored ice-cream taking as much of time as possible but not letting my thing becoming a milkshake in place of ice-cream.

It is then that it caught my eye, right in front of me was a board for a lounge and a bar, and luckily enough it was open. There could have been no doubt as to my next course of action. Just walked in through the door… the AC was strong… seemed like a pretty cool place, and for my boredom I was ready to shell out anything for a beer and a few fags.

The guy at the place informed me that although smoking is allowed, there are no smokes with them, and that I had to get it for myself from the bookshop just outside. I walked out to get a pack… Gold Flakes at last.

Ordered for a beer and sat down in one of the corners. In fact I had to share my table with one of the other passengers as there were only a few tables in the smoking area. The guy seemed a great company, precisely the sort I would have liked at the moment, did not utter a word, the suited up gentleman was busy with his own beer and was engrossed in his laptop. One table from my seat, there was this one lady, seemed like a foreigner to me had been using an IBM… hahaha, it reminded me of Gop and his immense obsession with his IBM, the poor guy must be just through his Economics test…. This is one respite, I need not be giving all those crappy tests all through the week.

The gentleman at my table soon left paying his bills. And I was joined by a young guy, who seemed to be travelling alone as well, and suited the timing as he as well did not spend a word with me… it is not that I do not like to be alone to myself, just that I should not get bored, and with a beer, smokes and Salinger there was no chance of that.

Soon one more chap joined us. I guy in his mid thirties it seemed. He came to the table for the same reason as mine – due to the scarcity of seats in the smoking zone. But this guy seemed like one of those phonies who are always putting on a show to prove a point, which God knows what actually is. Immediately as he joined the table, he received a call and started talking in one of those fake foreign accents which pisses me off to any extent. I simply do not get to fathom the fact why people actually need an accent to be sported. And yes I eavesdropped a bit on the conversation over the phone, in fact I needed not to eavesdrop – if someone sits across the table and talks even normally then also the conversation is bound to enter your ears.

One funny thing was happening all the time. Time and again, the Kingfisher airlines cute chicks were checking on the passengers and letting them know about the flight that was boarding and stuff. The show off guy was over eager, or so it seemed to me, to let the others know that he is heading for Mumbai. When the lady asked me if I was heading for Poona, I decided to just say no, never letting the others know where I am heading. Creating this odd aura of some mystery about myself is one of the age old habits of mine and I kind of like it, though deep down some where I know that it is kind of sasta. But who the hell cares, I just want to have some entertainment for myself as I sit there drinking my beer and fagging one stick after the other.

The oversmart guy and the other one struck up a conversation over a matchbox that the smartass had to borrow. Subsequently as the bloke wanted a fag from the other guy which he did not have I thought that it shall be fun to offer him one from my pack. I did so, and was drawn into the conversation quicksand. I kept mostly to ‘Yes’es and ‘No’s and smiles coz for some reason I did not like the idea about taking to the fellow. I know even this is cheap in a way to be acting pricey and all, but I just cant keep blabbering to someone whom I don’t really like.

The beer and all just reminded me of Vish a lot. It would have been fun if he had been around. It is just a matter of getting him high to be talking about one and all things. It is fun. Felt like calling him up. But again I am running a bit low on balance after Mokka spent almost the whole of the balance the night we made up our differences. But I am happy that he did that, it showed that there is no longer any coldness between the two of us. I am happy. I do not exactly have any girlfriend to spend the balance on… so it is not an issue for me with the balance. In fact it is good that I shall be getting the money back in cash, which I desperately need… Evil I am. Hahaha.

It happened that the oversmart had to leave before the other one. So subsequently I started talking to the guy. It was not about any topic as such… general stuff about what we did and studied and where he worked. Honestly, I do not even remember what he said about all that stuff. He was pleasant to talk to. It is always great fun to have company over a beer and as you are downing some nine cigarettes. He also borrowed some two fags from me, and I did not mind that.

However I guess no one at the airport was actually putting up over there for ten hours. So soon it was time for him to leave. But by this time I have already spent some one and a half hours at the bar. Worth the time. After the guy left, I was left with about half a glass of beer… I was taking it a bit slow… I had to kill time somehow. A lady joined in at the table next with her laptop and a cup of tea. And guess the make of the laptop. Yes! IBM… it seems that everything in my life is so linked up with NLU… if only I could have giggled to myself, would have loved it. Gop would have certainly liked the idea of being surrounded by IBMs, but they indeed do have lousy speakers – the one thing I am proud of in my lousy laptop. By 3 05, I have downed my beer and some ten fags and had paid the dirty costly 480 bucks for those two bottles of Kingfisher Lager. Am I growing into a perfect German or what, I’ll tell you why. I have not had a single gulp of water since last evening but here I am throating beer… even when I preferred other drinks to it much more. [;D]

I checked in after that, and as I said managed a window seat… and at the time when I am finishing typing this ramblings of ‘nothings’ or ‘for nothings’, it is already 4 15 almost. I have doused the lousy time. And yes there is one good thing about such a long wait, you get to see sexy airhostesses, cool passengers, some of them hot and steaming and yes, you do get to have beer if you know exactly where to look for it.

It is now just a wait of two hours… and I shall be there right in the middle of a hustle of activities, the exact thing for which I am taking the pain of this excruciating long wait…

----

Oh! Wait, I am here again to make one more last entry to this one, in the form of a post script. As my wait was coming to an end and I was packing my things up, there came this voice from the PAS. The flight is delayed by forty five minutes. Fuck these bitches. Man not again. But I guess I have to bear this much, though I understand that I shall be missing a few ceremonies at the very beginning of the festival. Adios, now. I am too bugged…. Can’t think of anything else at the point…

Off the Hook....

2007-10-15T00:45:00.000+05:30

I am weary....

PS: The post script is longer than the post itself, coz this is my attempt to create the blank canvas of the artist, which can mean a whole lotta things, and nuthing at all....

Wrenched

2007-10-12T19:39:00.000+05:30

I knew it, just never realised it... A few things are granted to you just because u hav been a successful actor..one who can put up a show of bravery and courage.. U might lose a lot on the way, but u stand tall to gain some at least.. And when u pull down that curtain u again gain a few things, like the throbbing of a true soul that cares, but u also lose out on some accounts.. The gifts that were allotted on the assumption of the 'act' are somewhy taken back.. These are the moments u actually do not feel like going back to explain the the thin line that exists between the act and the person.. It might sound defensive but can't really help, that it must be proper to at least give a thought that it is actually the same person playing both the roles.. It is just too hard to distinguish between the two characters and discard one as the unreal..

I know now, once the gift had been taken back, that it was meant for the other me which could at all prices maintain the outer facade... Perhaps it will do that from now on.. But only perhaps coz moments of desperation loom large... I guess it is just time for me to finish this play and start a new one.. But do not know for sure whether the time is ripe.. My job is over.. Just groping for the restart button..

A word of gratitude to you and to all those who made the play a success..

Datta, Damyata, Dayadham,
Shantih, Shantih, Shantih....

Today

2007-10-08T19:26:00.000+05:30

O King in what form do you appear today,

Amidst the kingdom of my heart,

The lakhs of moons and suns die of shame beneath thy feet.

All the pride crumbles as it cedes;

My whole body and judgement is plucked like the strings of the veena.

A blissful affliction flows in the breeze today,

As all the flowers of the garden take refuge at thy feet.

My unblinking gaze fails to take note of this world

When I stare within at the reigning bliss.

The Way of Being - Party Hard...

2007-09-21T03:39:00.000+05:30

Happy Birthday Gop

Detached Responsibility

2007-08-03T17:11:00.000+05:30

It is a bit oxymoronic, to be discussing these two words, one being followed by the other, coz at least to me they stand for spirits that are totally apart from one another, although might not be antagonistic. And here I go rambling once more…

I wonder why I am in the first place trying to get these two words together – perhaps I guess due to my deep rooted faith and belief in the ancient wisdom – ‘If u love someone, don’t need that person’[1]. And obviously love here stands in all its forms - romantic, non-romantic, amorous, or otherwise – in short all the fields that can be encompassed by the word responsibility. Hence I sit wondering if responsibility might at all accrue if one is detached and if responsibility is once picked up if one can afford to be detached…

Responsibility, I believe comes out as a duty of care, only when there is certain amount of attachment associated with the person. But again taking a mere glance at the fact that responsibility is the result of the care and love that one shares, how fair will it be to mar it with a dash of selfishness of attachment. Is love not selfless in essence? Love can actually be the purest and the truest (or even perhaps only true) only when there is an amount of detachment associated. Detachment however precludes the possibility of any responsibility cropping up. It is a pre-requirement that there is certain relationship existing for a responsibility. It seems so entangled at times to separate the two concepts of preexisting relation and responsibility. I believe so.

Perhaps to find happiness, or rather I should use the word bliss, the only way is through the path of detachment, since there shall be then no expectations to be shattered and no contrivance in the path of joy. Only the purest of form can yield the best and the happiest. However for the sake of this, it is never the way to let go off duties and responsibilities. ‘Detached Responsibility’ is hence perhaps the ‘middle path’ solution to this predicament. No matter how oxymoronic it is, no matter how quixotic it sounds…

[1] Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, Queen of Dreams

Freedom at Midnight

2007-07-14T00:30:00.001+05:30

Originally a post-comment for one of Gop's blogs at abt the end of April... But there is just too much of truth in it... So a separate entry for it all... For Gop's post, click the link Gopal Aravind in the side panel under 'Links'.....

"At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time."
---Nietzsche....

To put it straight, I feel that it has become a matter of subjectivity now... I don't understand the term 'everything'.. Cud u explain!!.. It means a fixed set of wants.. but the set goes on varying from person to person.. so ultimately it adds upto wanting a fixed set of objects and definitely not an overwhelming "EVERYTHING"...

It is true that we end up not giving to ourselves what we desire ...that we continue fighting the battle of 'odds' v. the 'wants'.. but does that mean that we do nit want to get free at all!! Dunn think so..!! The picture of self-realisation is according to me the one of utmost precision save the fact that man is alone up there.. to me if a person has realised the self then it is beyond the body.. It becomes a true amalgamation between the self and the 'all'.. there is no void at that point of time and place.. and it is all engulfed in one oneness that is so dear to us..

""The most successful men are those who are unafraid of giving themselves up to the brightest light. They know that their purpose is what is supreme. They work towards their goal. Life comes only once."" -- I second and if I had two votes wud have thirded as well.. it is the zest to achieve the chhoti si asha that makes us "all".

Shall not make a comment regrading the tools that are usually identified… They lie different to all individuals at different stages of perception and reality and hence individualistic...
But if education comes to the picture.. (taking a comprehensive definition of the word).. it definitly is one and the most primary.. as it is much much much beyond the institutions and formality.. it is life an experience in itself personified.... and hence yeah, it is true that in each of us there is a spark of enlightenment and a not so boring Plato hidden..

"Precisely the least, the softest, lightest, a lizard's rustling, a breath, a flash, a moment - a little makes the way of the best happiness."... U kno by whom this is...

The Poltergeist

2007-05-16T18:51:00.000+05:30

The belief had turned into faith. I kno it now; there is sumthin uncanny and mysterious in my laptop. Perhaps a ghost! Yes! A ghost. Everytime with whatever problem it is taken to the service center, it wrks perfectly, never allowiun the problem to be detected. This is irritating. The problem wid its screen, which almost had been stifling me for the past month, simply vanished when it was sent to the service center at the oder end of the city – can be nuthin else bt a poltergeist.

However a ghost perhaps resides in every corner of our lives – in our thoughts, in our beliefs, in our understanding, in our world perception, in our mutual relationships, at our sides, here, there, everywhere. That is perhaps why there is a perpetual lack of stability in this world – a fidgety ghost perhaps pervades us all or else only me at least.

Seated in Court Room No.5 of the Supreme Court of India, my belief is getting strengthened. The matter that is being argued is abt some taxation matter and hence extremely boring. However it is interesting when it seems that the poltergeist of instability has pervaded this court room as well. Justice Kapadia himself it seems had delivered a judgement before, which was on a very similar fact situation – that is the basic contention of the petitioners and thus he prays that the same be applied here as well. However today he is adamant on the contrary and therefore the clash of arguments, sections and subsections – the unstable mantle of justice – the poltergeist playing.

The dance of instability stretches far beyond this court room. The lack of certainty is acute. The relationship which yesterday it seemed was filled with the promises of hope, one which I could clutch along to sustain, seems today to be of much lesser weight. It is not that in a matter of A vs. B, one party has to be at a fault alwz. If B refuses to accept the bond of a relation even A cannot help the situation. How long can one possibly wait! Even if one wishes to, the normal sensibility of a human being prompts him to move on. There’s no space to think abt certainty, nor abt stability – helpless at the game of the spirit or that of the ghost. The mind and the heart yearn to maintain the status quo of the matrix that existed yesterday. Somewhere seated in the soul the witch-master continues to chant, to tame that excited poltergeist – we continue to hope. The shadowy cloud might be for a span that’s temporary, beyond it there mght be light, and there might be Hope.

Perhaps this is why relationships do not have a reason; do not have a rule. They do not require one. In the sway of our expectations and hope, whatever seems apt, as we keep a hand on the heart, it is declared to be so.

I feel this is where the answer to all ‘uncanny’ness lies. No rule, no stoppages, no reason, no bindings, hence to come close and give a name to a relation has no direction of its own. Consequently there is no check on drifting apart and being torn to pieces altogether. Just to float on the ‘wings of poesy’ is hence what a relation is. A or B, neither is thus at fault, none had the responsibility to be bound or binding another. Relationships hence are the imprints of cacophonous tumult of uncertainty in the mind of an individual or a mismanaged nation/notion at the level of thought. What has its birth in the depths of perception (notwithstanding any rule or scheme) gives rise to the unstable sensation of ‘like’ or ‘dislike’. Hence it is ephemera, a reflection of uncertainty.

I believe that therefore, it is true that a ghost keeps dancing within us day-in and day-out. Without abiding by the rules of addition, subtraction, multiplication or division, it calculates the non-‘sense’ within us. Being kaputt, it shies away from the world, never revealing itself…… but only to some chosen witch-doctors…… just like my laptop……

The Monarch of a Rajan

2007-05-05T20:52:00.000+05:30

Hmpppppppphhhhhhhhhhh……… it’s now time to get settled with sum bit of sanity that can be expected to be left in me at this hour after what I have got as a senior in Global Legal Associates… UFfffff.. what a man this Mr. Rajan Narain…. Apparently an advocate on record at the Supreme Court of India…and hence supreme are his whims and supreme are his mannerisms… there are certain basic rules that are to be followed in his regime.. Do NOT wish him Good Morning; wanna kno why?? Coz, as his version stands, he knos more than 150 pple…and hence if each starts wishing him and he starts wishing them back, that would waste some five of his precious minutes!!! He is this enormous guy who wears trousers that only cover 7/8th of his legs.. I dunno the logic behind that.. perhaps that saved the tailor a few precious minutes!!! And u can always see the stumbled socks at his ankle which due to some ‘elasticity’ problem fails to stay above the ankles. He does not like Windows XP as it is very flashy, and cannot stand Win98 coz that does nt allow popup blockers. Each time there’s a popup coming up, he shall be making the open statement that “If it is a porn…then it is nt mine… I do not see such things.” He does nt drink as well… bt when crates of alcohol come into the office, he is prompt in replying that they are the left overs frm a party that he had thrown and they are being taken away for his mother who has the habit of throwing parties…. And then he adds the proviso… “Do not think that pple at GLA jus kip drinking all day at wrk. And I don’t drink, they are fr my mother…”

In his office he assumes the figure of one of those medieval kings…who cannot survive without his train of attendants… every minute he uses his intercom at least twice to call in some one or the other for some or the other petty reason…apparently very strict abt discipline…and of course has the signature of a very shrt temper… But he never forgets to add the tag that “This office is not a concentration camp.. Feel free…” [the restrictions being implicit at every corner]

All’s fine with this comical character bt the time he lets me off at nght.. When its is scheduled to be at 6… he never lets off b4 8 in the least…. At times feel like running away frm all this… but still it’s the way to life and learning… he knos his stuff pretty well and guess that’s what matters at the end of the day…

A Cache of Billet-doux

2007-04-26T21:42:00.000+05:30

In perhaps a strange juxtaposition with the serenity of the side bar of this blog that the pic that goes with this post is placed. It’s strange that I land up in storms pretty now and then… maybe personal, may be situational… but always the ones that elicit a strong reverberation from my brain. I just don’t get the fact that people in this world, are so frustrated and jobless that they go beyond the station of rationality to pervade (all so suddenly)[1] to the life that someone else is eking out for his own widout for the slightest stepping into the messy way of oders. And yes I support the use of the word ‘eking’, as I shall openly lay a challenge to any one for bringing in a life that is not deficient in some way or the other.

People talk about identity quite often… I find it pretty amusing… waddafuck!!![2] The confused state of someone’s existence or rather more precisely identity seems to be transposed in nosing into the private funs that someone else enjoys. Oh!!! If it is really about the identity that one questions then why not lead a life of security and sleep in peace instead of meddling into the nature and character of someone else… a someone else who shall never return you with anything but a smiling face!!! I don’t get the point of such hopeless cluelessness of a few ‘good’ men/women. The mere fact that someone invents a tacit measure to give expression to the unvented frustrations of fate, circumstance and ability, I once more find abominably amusing.

A storm raged through my place… a few days back… I stayed put to a lot… but the dust and the garbage shall enter… specially if u r put in the middle of a desert that is smeared with the phenomenon of dust.

As I stood by the edge of the terrace, the storm in my face, I guess I realized sumthing… regeneration is pricey, it is dear… I remember ‘what the thunder said’; I know “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”[3] I know that we shall survive the night in fact we have… just a few more facets revealed… and as the thunder whispered,

………Dayadham;
Shantih! Shantih! Shantih!

----------
[1] Reference to a particular dingy writeup that someone preferred posting either for or in someone else’s name…don’t ask abt the reasons… there seem not to be any.
[2] The first slang in the entire blog!!!
[3] Friedrich Nietzsche

A Storm Yet Again

2007-04-09T03:20:00.000+05:30

Again I sit dwn to write about a storm, … I think it is abt a year now since I last wrote abt it… jus the same expressions … perhaps a bit more convoluted and a lot more observed… and ofcourse a change in the medium of expression…but that doesn’t matter at all I guess…after all any writing is “just a way of expression – a mouth”.

An internal conflict that was raging for quite some time now, was reaching its culmination, as the time around me was closing in with the end term exams approaching… I was thinking, pondering and wasting my time… my expression found its way through the vent of nature as I saw the whirling up of pure dust from the ground to the proximity of the sky… somehow at times they seemed to me like the manifestations of my confusion or rather my realizations that steam up within my soul trying to reach the ultimate level within my being… But that never lies realized… the dust never reach the sky…

The view on all sides of mine (as I stood on the terrace) was one of gloom, but that is to be sheared by the strong winds… as the clouds whiz past by the lightning scars, there seems to be an analogy between myself and nature.. let that be.. perhaps I now also don’t know what I am to be writing about… as I continue, the blog reverberates the darkness and the boredom that I signify…

Datta, Damyata, Dayadham,
Shantih, Shantih, Shantih…

The Doctrine of Eclipse....

2007-03-04T23:18:00.001+05:30

The eclipse went by yesterday or today early morn.... Just raising a few queries in my mind which at the present moment lies jumbled up in a series of baffled emotions... But i guess reading these first few lines any teenager is gonna think that jus anoder addition in their bandwagon... Let them think wateva they wish to coz i give a damn...

Grief and happiness juxtapose each other throughout our existence... But can we straitjacket them...Can sumthing be referred to as sad and sumthing as good absolutely... Question??? So think....

With each passing moment, I see the eclipsing of my identity under the burden of the mask that i wear...I am baffled each time i try to figure out that whether i am really wearing a mask or is it just that this mask has become me...I wonder how i am beneath it? I wonder whether anyone cares to see me out of it... Or is it just that whatever is evident is what matters to those who are around me....? Again a question.. i need answers...

I am once again reminded of the writing of O'Henry - 'The Miracle of Lava Canyon'.... What is true.. what is material.. one that shows or the one that lies hidden away from the eyes of all that count.. I don't know...

The moon was getting engulfed in the darkness... I remained in mine own... Am I the shadow that is causing the eclipse of my ownself... or am I under the shadow of eclipse....?

The moon came out unscathed by the eclipse... but its bleeding tinge caught up with me.. Me behind the garb... When is the eclipse gonna end? I am waiting..... or perhaps not... I am merely watching....

After the fall

2007-03-04T06:08:00.000+05:30

Yah its after a long time ... a long break.. but this is wat this ws supposed to be....rght Illusions? u shud remember that i meant to start this for the weird reason of givin sum kinda shape to the philo that i ramble all the time... :)

i think u can all see the slide show by the side of this... its exactly on such a morn that i again sit to write... a fundamental question peeks into my head... how far do we know our own selves... do we at all.... i tek myself to be one of those selfish giants who stroll their own garden for the sake of their own pathetic indulgence... bt what abt the checkered board called life.. the ups and dwns and all those that leave u affected, does it nt actually show that u cant actually be that aloof and callous that u make ur self feel... mght be.. think it over!!!

a sense of satisfaction at the moment surmounts me.... i hav survived.. nt only the some 20 years on the face of this country bt the fact that i have survived sum of my philosophies... nt to say that i have them proved wrong.. bt find certain exceptions in them...certain savings that helps u feel that the philo is nt all water tight....is nt absolute after alll [which u felt it is bt regretted]... strange tho it mght b bt the fact remains that its good to lose at times....

i see a smile... its holi... the season smiles...(the harshness of winter tho past..still lingers)... the sparrows seem to be smilin... the sun smiles after the lunar eclipse... even the moon manages a faint smile after the shadow cast hours... tanay smiles after the friends episode... krish smiles after i leave his room after buggin him fr an hour......

its time to conclude.. even i smile now... i see day after the night...

2006-12-30T23:43:00.000+05:30

Swami, tumi esho aj ondhokar hridoymajh-
Paape mlan pai laaj, daaki he tomare.
Krondon uthichhe praane,
Mon shanti nahi maane,
Poth tobu nahi jaane apon andhare..
Dhik dhik jonom momo,
Biphol bishoy shrom-
Biphol khonik prem tutiya jaay baarbaar.
Sontape hridoy dahe,
Nayane ashrubaari bohe,
Barichhe bishoypipasha bishom bish bikaare........
.
___Tagore

Digonte.....

2006-12-26T19:24:00.000+05:30

Rojnamchar klanto khata obosheshe bondho holo....notun digonter dik'e haat bariye jodi kichhu cheye theke thaki tobe ta oi ojantrikotar ashirbaad. Onek gulo proshno moner modhhye niyei ghure berano praay shunyer kachha kachhi tapmatra'y jodi kichhu shekhar thake ta bodhoy oi chahida'r shesh'er thikana... Tobu ta to ar hoye othe na.. tobu oi chahida gulo'ke aankre na thekeo tar bitor diye ektu upore uthe dekha'r asha'y notun probhaat'ke selam thoka.....
Morubaalirashir bistrito hahakar'eo jeno kothay sobkichhu bhishon porichito, kothay jeno ei dike'i chhute jawar ek mohomoy daak shunte shunte arekbar surjotar dike takano... Notun kichhu noy; tobu notun... Roj notun notun bhabe uthchhe notun kore chhokhe lagchhe... ar notun jinish dekhachchhe.... Tobu dekhte dekhte oi chhoriye chhitiye thaka kaanta gachh gulor dike takiye ek oporup irsha moner modhye jege othe.... ei ojana sugobhir prantorer tarai to sthayee sakkhi...ami noi............ Amar sobhyotar bodhdoy ekhanei porajoy.. ja tara paare ami onayashe ba ayashe chhere diye egye choli..... Tobu ebar boddhoy somoy holo...ektu egye giye poth'ta'ke saamne theke dekhar....Haate koto'ta somoy baki ta to ar jana nei....ar jana hobeo na bodhoy....

Abar Phera

2006-12-20T16:45:00.000+05:30

Aj abar pherar daak;

Ghure onek pother baake:

Ghure morujhorer deshe,

Ebar paabo taake.

Aj abar uthchhi phute...

Phoenix sajbo agun dana mele;

Dui mutho'te ichchhe gulo dhore

Nichchhi buk'e onol sudha dhele...

Sudhu onek kaaj baki...onek protikkha...

Ekta mutho'y onek kichhu dhorar,

Phuriye ele amar kotha bola,

Pakhna mele abar hobo ferar.

দেখার মত

2006-09-14T20:36:00.000+05:30

এই লিঙ্ক'টা দেখতে যেন ভুল না হয়ঃ-

http://www.anandautsav.com/family.html

কোথা হতে বাজে...

2006-08-26T01:13:00.002+05:30

একটা গানের কথা আজ একটু বেশী করে মনে হচ্ছে - কোথা হতে বাজে প্রেমবেদনা রে - আজ সত্যি মনে হছে, প্রশ্ন করতে ইচ্ছে করছে - কাকে জানিনা, কোথায় উত্‌স আমাদের এই এত ব্যথা বেদনার। যখন বাড়ির থেকে ২৫০০ কিমি দূরে বসে আছি, নিজেকে একা মনে হতে পারত... হছে না। মানুষে মানুষে দুরত্ব টা বড় কৃত্রিম। এত দূরে বসেও তাই একদম একা নই। আমার আশেপাশের মানুষ গুলো বড় চেনা... অচেনা পুরীতেও আমি একা নই। মানুষের সুখ, দুঃখ, ব্যথা, আশা, আকাঙ্ক্ষা গুলো সব এক, একদম এক। একই রকম সুখ-দুঃখ মনের মধ্যে চেপে রেখে বেঁচে থাকে সে, বা বেঁচে থাকার প্রয়াস করে। মানুষ মাত্রেই একটা কাঁধ খোঁজে যেখানে মাথা রেখে নিশ্চিন্তে একটু কাঁদা যায়, একটু নির্লজ্জ হয়ে নিজেকে প্রকাশ করা যায়। মানুষ একইভাবে কাঁদে, তাসে পৃথিবীর যে কোনো প্রান্তেই থাকুক, মানুষ একই ভাবে হাসে - কলকাতায় আর যোধপুরে হাসির কান্নার নাম, দাম এক - একটা কড়িরও দামের ফারাক নেই। এখানে বসেও দেখছি কাঁদার, কাঁদাবার উপায় এক, তাই মানুষ গুলোও একদম এক। শুধু একটা বুঝে দেখার প্রয়াসেই এই পরিচিতির সুতোটাকে দেখা যায়। মানুষ একা ভীষন একা, তাই এই একাকীত্বই তাকে টানে প্রাণের দিকে, যদিও সে জানে... কোনোওদিনও হয়ত পৌঁছনো হবেনা। তবু আজ এত দূরে বসে বুঝছি প্রত্যেক মুহুর্তে ভাবছি যে পথটাই বোধহয় সব, ওটাই সব... তাই কাল কি ভাবছিলাম জানি না, আজ পথটার শেষ দেখার বড় লোভ আমার চোখে ...... এবার চলি... আমার এই পথ চাওয়াতেই আনন্দ।।

2006-08-25T03:08:00.000+05:30

জ্বলছে আগুন তপ্ত মরুর, শুকনো বালির নীচে;

কাটছে যে রাত, চাতকছানার তীব্র চিতকারে,

আশা হতাশার সুপ্ত বুলির নিভৃত রোদন কালে,

আলো-আঁধার মিশছে শেষে, রজনী সতকারে।

ঊষা -- A Dawn

2006-08-24T06:04:00.000+05:30

জেগে কাটানো রাতের শেষে, দিবসের নিঃশ্বাস,

শুষ্ক বালিরাশির 'পরে নরম আলোর ভাঁজ;

গত দিনের অভিজ্ঞতার ক্লান্ত হাহুতাশ

ছড়িয়ে পরে ধূলার পরে ভগ্ন মহারাজ...

2006-08-22T20:55:00.000+05:30

অনেক দিন পর, আবার চেনা মুখ
বন্ধু কি খবর, মুহুর্ত বলুক।
মুহুর্তের টান, মুহুর্তে শরত
নতুন এই গান, মুসাফিরের পথ।
শরত আসে যায়, মেঘের ফাঁকে নীল
এই শহরটায় অতিথি গাঙচিল।
অতিথি ভালবাসা, হাওয়ায় তোলে সুর
আবার ফিরে আসা, আবার ভরপুর।
কেমন আছো বলো, বন্ধু কি খবর
আবার গাই চলো, অনেক দিন পর।।

A drop of thought...

2006-06-16T17:52:00.000+05:30

I doubt whether I can break,

I doubt if my 'hope' can shake...

It's not that I love to doubt :

But of my doubts I can't partake..

এ পরবাসে ...

2006-06-16T17:28:00.000+05:30

পরবাসের একাকীত্ব, অনেক ছড়ানো স্মৃতি;

এই আঁধারে টুকরো ছবি পায় পূর্ণাকৃতি -

যত যাই দূরে সরে তত যে দেখি আলো,

তত যেন বুঝি তোমায় সখ কত যে বেসেছি ভালো।

প্রাণ

2006-06-01T09:56:00.000+05:30

Might be thinking what this promisary note can do - the answer - MAGIC. The magic is manyfold, there are those who are the direct beneficiaries and those who see the magic to realise the life that runs through the veins of a city called Kolkata. A man aged about 62-63 has walked from Shyambazar to Moulali in the scorching heat of May (his pocket is picked). He plans to go to Parkcircus by the same means to his nephew to get Rs 10/-, to return home, some far flung place to which he needs to take a train. He asks a boy of 19-20 at Moulali the way to parkcircus. Seeing the panting sweaty exasperated old man, he inquires and comes to know about the problem, takes out a 20/- note and hands over to the man, fully realising he'll never get it back.

What do we get, a collage that gives the true picture of a city which can make a seemingly useless piece of paper into something very precious...

______________

(Based on atrue incident and not a mere hear-say story)

বিচ্ছিন্ন কিছু ভাবনা

2006-05-31T15:34:00.000+05:30

আমার ব্লগ্‌ টার explanatory noteটা কেউ পড়েছে।

আজ কলকাতা ছেড়ে যাওয়ার পূর্ব মুহুর্তে ওটা যেন আমায় খানিকটা ব্যঙ্গ করছে। নিত্যনৈমিত্তিক জীবনের যান্ত্রিকতার বিরুদ্ধেই তো আমার জেহাদ! তাহলে আজ যখন আমার সামনে এই চলমান ধারার বাইরে, বিরুদ্ধে যাওয়ার এমন একটা সুযোগ তখন এত ভাবনা কিসের। তবু মনে হয় এটা বুঝি স্বাভাবিক। হাজার হলেও, যত অপছন্দই হোক এই যান্ত্রিকতার মধ্যে দিয়েই তো এতটা পথ চলে এসেছি। তাই একটা বিপুল স্থবিরত্ব বুঝি আমায় ঘিরে ধরেছে এখন...... লড়াই টা তো এটার বিপক্ষেই। আমি জানি। তাই খুব সাময়িক ভাবে একটু নড়ে বসেছি ভাবতে, তার পরের পথটা আমার আবার চেনা। আমায় বেঁধে রাখতে গেলে বড্ড শক্ত দড়ি লাগবে, সেটা কি আজকাল বাজারে পাওয়া যায়। কি জানি!

কি যে লিখছি আর কেন যে লিখছি, বলতে পারব না। তবু লিখছি, ছোট্ট ছোট্ট অক্ষরে ফুটিয়ে তুলছি সংগ্রাম। কিসের বিরুদ্ধে? আবার কিসের......... স্থবিরত্ব আর যান্ত্রিকতার বিরুদ্ধে।

বিদায় : Oh! Kolkata

2006-05-31T11:33:00.000+05:30

_________________

________

......আর বোধহয় আমার নিজের নয়......

********

Perhaps these no longer are my property

মধুসূদন মঞ্চে আসছে :-

2006-05-24T14:31:00.000+05:30

Dakshinayan Residents' Welfare Society

presents

Paschim Banga Natya Akademi conferred 'Best Play' award winning production

-----

--------------

Mrs. Soriano

(মিসেস সোরিয়ানো)

_____

Choopkatha

Direction and Main cast : Ms. Dolly Basu

at Madhusudan Mancha, Dhakuria, on 27th May,2006 at 5.45 P.M.

in assistance of financially distressed students

____________________________________________

**************************************************

******************************

For Passes please mail at ojantric@gmail.com

Passes shall also be available at Madhusudan Mancha on 27th May.

2006-05-24T12:21:00.001+05:30

________________________

__________

Aj ar kichhui chaibaar nei, sudhu mukti tukur aashe;

Sudhu nivrite here jabar byakul nishwase,

Sudhu ure chole jawa nijer thekeo dure..

Klanto pothik kaande baashir korun sure..

____________________________

=============

*******
আজ আর কিছুই চাইবার নেই, শুধু মুক্তিটুকুর আশে;

শুধু নিভৃতে হেরে যাবার ব্যাকুল নিঃশ্বাসে,

শুধু উড়ে চলে যাওয়া নিজের থেকেও দূরে...

ক্লান্ত পথিক কাঁদে বাঁশীর করুণ সুরে......

দাঁড়াও : Pause for a moment

2006-05-24T10:01:00.000+05:30

You must have been hearing a lot about the hullaballo over the reservation and anti-reservation quota debacle - raging for quite some time now.. Wait a moment reader.. those who are aquainted with my way of analyses are aware that I tend to get to a situation from the rational point of view such that unnecessary bias may be eleminated- this is not to say that my judgements are always cent percent correct but at least such an attempt is always invariably made. Hence a few facts are presented to you first, quoting the Constitution of India:

The Preamble guarantees - Equality of status and opportunity.
Article 14 : Equality before law - The state shall not deny to any person equality before the law or the equal protection of the laws within the territory of India.
Article 44 : Uniform Civil Code for the citizens - The state shall endeavour to securefor the citizens a uniform civil code throughout the territory of India.
Article 46 : Promotion of educational and economic interests of Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes and other weaker sections - The state shall promote with special care the educational and economic interests of the weaker sections of the people, and, in particular, of the Scheduled Castes and the Scheduled Tribes, and shall protect them from social injustice and all forms of exploitation.
Article 51A (c) - to uphold and protect the sovereignty, unity and integrity of India.
Article 51A (j) - to strive towards excellencein all spheres of individual and collective activity so that the nation constantly rises to higher levels of endeavour and achievement.

The mandate delivered by the Constitution seems to be clear from the afore mentioned Articles - though there are a few more. The founding fathers of our Nation seemed to be having a view that shall adequately safeguard the interest of all the sections of society without tampering with India's zeal to excel in all fields of human activity. The provision for the status of Equality is enumerated in the Preamble itself thereby today making it a 'basic Structure' of the country. The attempt to establish a uniform civil code also aims in this direction - it is clear. Therefore we must shun any attempt that tends to break this very basic premise of the Nation's Rule Book.

I have deliberately also mentioned Article 46, just to show what the country plans to do about the weaker sections who definitely require special attention for social justice to be administered. But it is for us to realise in light of various rulings of the Supreme Court that no part of the Constitution must be read in isolation. So let us read Article 46 along with Article 51A. It must be visible to us that the Constitution never enjoins us to compromise with the Nations strength while making any provision for anybody. A rule that if formulated shall create a schism between the two sections of our society is surely not what the Constitution directs us to do. Article 46 demands that the exploitative nature of society needs to be abolished. That done we cannot go against the others to create an imbalance to deliver some form of injustice to the others who does not fall within the scope of Article 46.

Let us now concentrate a bit on the present issue - a question - how is such reservation going to help those who need help? The people who are to avail of the opprtunities are already in a position to fend for themselves as they are educated. Remember the Constitution provides for these sections of society to rise above the exploitation but nowhere is it enjoined that they must be made superior to the other sections (I know it might just sound a bit harsh and selfish). The interests of the weaker sections when ensured in rational and legal terms the duty to discriminate positively, ends... At least my rational mind says so. For the vested interest of the politicians, an issue that demanded the lives of the likes of Rajeev Goswami has deliberately now been stirred up. Let us go beyond the narrow politics of our 'leaders' to see the greater picture for ourselves... Let us decide for ourselves what is in the best interest of the country.. We are the sovereign power of the nation and in us lies the authority... Let us frame and answer questions like "What comes first - stability of the nation or the narrow interests of a particular group?", "What is important - A second partition or a State based on the principles of equality?"........ The answer to such questions alone can lead us in to the path of true freedom, into the land ,

Where the mind is without fear

And the head is held high..

________________________

----------------------

......চিত্ত যেথা ভয়শূন্য, উচ্চ যেথা শির......

2006-05-23T17:16:00.000+05:30

আগুনের হলুদ পালক উড়ছে চারধারে,

চতুর্দিকে বহ্নিশিখার ঝড়;

অবিচারের কয়লা ঘিরে পূর্ণাহুতির হোমে,

পরশমণির তাপে এবার ছাড়বে কালাজ্বর ।।

The Promise of Fire :

________________

------------

The feathers of the Fire's wing;

Creates a gale insane,

The fodder of the wrong shall soon be rueful;

As the touchstone spreads its song

......The End shall not be in vain.....

নিশিযাপন - Playing with the darkness.....

2006-05-23T09:47:00.000+05:30

নিশিযাপন

তোমার ক্ষুদ্র নয়নখানি মেলে তাকাও মিটিমিটি

ঝরছে যেন অঝোর অশ্রুধারা,

সে স্রোতের রংখানি যেন গাঢ় নিবিড় কালো

গভীর মানে বুঝতে গিয়ে সেই আমার রাতখানি হয় সারা।

চোখের জলের প্রলেপ তুমি লেপেছ জগৎ পরে

স্নিগ্ধ ধারার বাণ ডেকেছ তুমি,

তোমার ক্ষুদ্র প্রাণের ব্যাপ্তি ভুবন জুড়ে

খুঁজতে গিয়ে লুকায়িত মানে,

আমার রাতখানি হয় সারা।

কালো সে তো গভীর নিকষ কালো,

কষ্টিপাথর যাচাই করে সোনা

পরলে জ্যোতি একটু ছিঁটেফোঁটা, ঠিকরে বেরোয় আলো।

দেখতে গিয়ে তোমার আত্মহনন,

আমার রাতখানি হয় সারা।

তুমি যেন মনের ক্ষুদ্র আশা,

গগনে বেঁধেছ বাসা,

তুমি বুঝি দ্যুলকের ঝাড়বাতি

তবু তুমি অন্ধকারের গহন ভালবাসা,

খুঁজতে গিয়ে তোমার স্বরুপখানি

আমার রাতখানি হয় সারা।

তোমার আমার মাঝে শুধু সময় বেঁধেছে পথ

দীর্ঘ, ক্লীষ্ট পরিচয়ের সাক্ষী একা তুমি,

অনন্ত ভূতের আজ তুমি বর্তমান, আর তুমি আমি মিলে ভবিষ্যৎ

সকল ইতিহাস মুছে গিয়ে আজ হোক ছন্নছাড়া

লিখতে বসে নতুন ইতিহাস,

আমার রাতখানি হয় সারা।।

2006-05-18T11:29:00.000+05:30

Joyodhoni shuni ronger joyodhoni faager;

Joyodhoni jeebon 'pore goveer onurager,

Onek kormo onek aashaar rongin jolchhobi -

Ronger majhe kebol praaner rokte ranga kobi.

আবার তোমায় লেখা...

2006-05-10T12:05:00.000+05:30

হঠাৎ করে একটু থেমে পেয়েছিলাম ব্যথা,
চম্‌কে উঠে একটু কেঁপে লেগেছিল ভয়...
শুধু তোমার হাসি দেখতে পেয়ে বন্ধু চিরসখা,
মিলিয়ে গেল নিঠুর তরাস্‌ , আনন্দেরই জয় ।।

অনন্তের তরে ধাই.........

2006-05-10T11:49:00.000+05:30

স্বরূপ তাঁর কে জানে, তিনি অনন্ত মঙ্গল -

2006-05-08T16:44:00.000+05:30

আমার চোখে তো সকলই শোভন,

সকলই নবীন, সকলই বিমল, সুনীল আকাশ,

শ্যামল কানন,

বিশদ জোছনা, কুসুম কোমল --

সকলই আমার মতো।

তারা কেবলই হাসে, কেবলই গায়,

হাসিয়া খেলিয়া মরিতে চায় --

না জানে বেদন, না জানে রোদন,

না জানে সাধের যাতনা যত।

ফুল সে হাসিতে হাসিতে ঝরে, জোছনা হাসিয়া মিলায়ে যায়,

হাসিতে হাসিতে আলোকসাগরে আকাশের তারা তেয়াগে কায়।

আমার মতন সুখি কে আছে। আয় সখ আয় আমার কাছে --

সুখী হৃদয়ের সুখের গান শুনিয়া তোদের জুড়াবে প্রাণ।

প্রতিদিন যদি কাঁদিবি কেবল একদিন নয় হাসিবি তোরা --

একদিন নয় বিষাদ ভুলিয়া সকলে মিলিয়া গাহিব মোরা ।।

শ্রবণ আমার গভীর সুরে হয়েছে মগন ।

তোমার যজ্ঞে দিয়েছ ভার,

বাজাই আমি বাঁশি --

গানে গানে গেঁথে বেড়াই প্রাণের কান্নাহাসি।

এখন সময় হয়েছে কি?

সভায় গিয়ে তোমায় দেখি

জয়ধ্বনি শুনিয়ে যাব এ মোর নিবেদন ।।

"শুভ জন্মদিন"

কাল ঝড়ের পর

2006-05-08T11:56:00.000+05:30

আগমন

তীব্র দহনের অন্তে

তুমি ক্ষুব্ধ, ক্রুদ্ধ, চেপে দন্ত দন্তে

তুমি নেচে উঠেছ মহাপ্রলয়ের ছন্দে;

সুপ্তোথিত মত্ততায়, কি রঙ্গে, কি আনন্দে,

তুমি ঘোষিছ জয়গান

ঝাপটে ঝাপটে বোঝাও তোমার গূঢ় অভিমান,

ক্রন্দন পূর্বের জমাট, ধোঁয়াশাচ্ছন্ন মনে

যে তীব্র নিনাদে অনন্ত মননে

চলে যে বিচ্ছিন্নতার, উথলিপাতাল নাচ,

তুমি যেন ধরেছ তারই মূর্তি আজ।

আজ বুঝি উঠেছ তেঁতে...

আপন বসনাঞ্চল পেতে

কি লীলায় তুমি উঠেছ মেতে,

আজ সবে জানবে তোমার ব্যথা,

মৌনী ভেঙ্গে বহুকাল পরে তুমি আবার বলবে কথা।

যাতনার মূলে তুমি আজ হানলে প্রবল হানা,

আস্‌লে ফিরে, পেরিয়ে পাহাড়, সাগর, যত অজানা।

যত ছিল তাপ করলে হরণ,

কাঁপিয়ে যে প্রাণ, হে মত্ত বারণ,

ধুয়ে দিলে সব পাপ,

ছিল যা ক্লেশ, যা ছিল পুরাতন,

সব ধুয়ে তুমি করেছ যে সাফ,

উষরের প্রাণে নব ঊষারে তুমি জানাও স্বাগতম;

হে উচ্ছাস, হে উল্লাস, হে হিল্লোল, অয়ি উত্তম।।

2006-05-05T17:19:00.000+05:30

মুক্তি? ওরে, মুক্তি কোথায় পাবি? মুক্তি কোথায় আছে?
আপনি প্রভু সৃষ্টিবাঁধন প'রে বাঁধা সবার কাছে !

2006-05-05T14:14:00.000+05:30

জানি পড়লেই বুঝবে তোমায় লেখাঃ-

আজ রাতে একটু sedative হলে ভালো হোতো,
জেগে থাকার, ভেঙে ভাবার, যন্ত্রনা যেত ভোলা;
ঘুমের ঘোরের অন্ধকার চোখে,
ধ্বংসের বীজ থেকে যেত আধখোলা।

ছুঁতে চেয়েও আজকে রাতে, বাঁধছে কোথাও বুকে;
বয়স বোধহয় অনেকটা বেড়ে গেলো;
আমার মনের হাত বাড়িয়ে, খুঁজছি বন্ধু তোমায়,
নিজের ভুলে পথ হারিয়ে গেলো।।

2006-05-05T13:00:00.000+05:30

শুধু তার জন্য ঃ

আমার মুক্তি আলোয় আলোয়, এই আকাশে,
আমার মুক্তি ধুলায় ধুলায় ঘাসে ঘাসে ।।
দেহমনের সুদূর পারে হারিয়ে ফেলি আপনারে,
গানের সুরে আমার মুক্তি ঊর্ধ্বে ভাসে ।।
আমার মুক্তি সর্বজনের মনের মাঝে,
দুঃখবিপদ-তুচ্ছ-করা কঠিন কাজে ।
বিশ্বধাতার যজ্ঞশালা আত্মহোমের বহ্নি জ্বালা ---
জীবন যেন দিই আহুতি মুক্তি-আশে ।।

আমার মুক্তি আলোয় আলোয়, এই আকাশে, আমার মুক্তি আলোয় আলোয় ।।

( আরও অনেক কথা জড়িয়ে এই গানটার সাথে...... খুব তাড়াতাড়ি বলব সে কথা)

2006-05-04T09:56:00.000+05:30

A Philosophy that intrigues me much more than anything else...

Should it be called the End or the Armageddon or the Metamorphosis or something else... difficult to say... requires an in depth analysis of the notions surrounding this phenomenon.

It all depends on one's approach to death itself and thus automatically comes the related issue of one's notion regarding life as well. Though it might sound strange but it is a fact that the image that one holds in his psyche regarding death is an oblique reflection of his view about life..

If one takes life to be absolute then death is reduced to a mere trivia. In this context i would like to quote from the Upanishads "Om Purnamada Purnamidang Purnat Purna Myudachchate, Purnasya Purna Maday Purnameba Vashishyte." Putting this in English would mean that if we deduct 'full' from full itself then we get the 'full' back.. Confused..? Look at it this way.. we all know that the Universe comprises of everything, all that is there, and all that is not as there cannot be abything beyond this Universe. So now if we subtract this Universe from itself we get 'nothing' mathematically. But that nothing is also included in the universe as per the definition of the Universe. Therefore we get back the Universe.

Now if we take life to be such an absolute, which can transcend mere bodily existence then there cannot be a state which is beyond the scope of this life. Thus death becomes something utopian for easier analysis and superficial explanation.

In reality there are more layers to htis philosophy. I just attempt to bring out only one at this moment. In an attempt to physically substantiate life.. it can be asserted that a being or for that matter anything lives or exists in the mind of other people. If one is shoved into oblivion by someone else then no matter how much he lives bodily he is actually dead. Likewise how much one is bodily dead if others remember him there is no better way to live. Biological death is not the same as the notion of death as the notion is one which resides in one's mind and cannot be mensured by instruments or any physical 'jantra'.

Hence Death is a transformation from one state to another from one mode of perceivability to another form of perception.

Death is not an Absolute...Life is the yardstick.

2006-05-03T16:48:00.000+05:30

It is quite a common question that often crosses our mind---

-----When are we sad------

The answer to it might not be as simple as it may seem to one at the outset of this article.... I have tried to analyse this apparenttly simple, but actually not so, but again not all that difficult question.. Putting it simply it comes to you when a dream has been dreamt and that it remains unfulfilled to the extent that it becomes an impossibility and a mere ephemera..

But is it all... Not at all.. through my personal experiences I can now safely say that it - grief that is - also comes to you when your very own philosophy backfires at you at a very critical moment in your life... A philosophy that you have nurtured with your true faith and your firm determination boomerangs back to hurt you and as well leave you mortally wounded... this blog is being created at such a juncture in his life that even the philosopher is being forced to say that this is the death of his exixtence, but realising that that by itself is giving rise to a whole new genre of philosophy... Therefore--- The Alive Dead-Philosopher.

I have always personally held the view that it is the external, that is what you express outward, explains your identity... I would like to refer to "The Miracle of lava Canyon" by O'Henry (Pls read it to understand better), where the fact that one is hiding his fear to act brave, gives him the distinction of being courageous.

But when it comes to relationships it is the latent truth in understanding each other that strengthens the bond between two individuals. In such an intimate relation when the partner now plays with this philosophy, it boomerangs back at you to strike where it hurts the most.. My friend always shared the true thoughts such that the obscure zone between us two gets itself obscured. Quite naturally this at times used to give rise to heavy moods and both of us used to contemplate on a particular issue to resolve it. Now that friend has decided to always act happy such that he may strew joy and apparent happiness to all those around. But the person fails to realise that it is actually perjury, that misleads those who love or know how to love. When confronted with such logic it is quite convenient for that person to refer to the same philosophy about which I have already mentioned. Thus it is now my friend's plan to create the truth by acting out the false and all that what is not; never realising the two pronged attack it is making on the other person's heart...

--- the creation of a schism between two closely bonded persons and the death of a philosophy killing a philosopher from within. ---

2006-05-03T16:33:00.000+05:30

The Death

It is my first post specially because as i am typing this, a death of philosophy is bringing about a whole new perspective to my existence