To Them and Just Them

Its the early hours of a Saturday morning... hav spent the evening and the night playing 29 and the remaining hour watching Boston Legal, seeing Denny and Allan celebrate their friendship on that terrace for the 'n'th number of time... And right then the net came back on.. It was an automatic reaction to get back to Orkut and check that thread on Mrs. Goswami's farewell..

I dont know; I am finding it extremely difficult to cope with the proposition that both Goswami and Dantes are retiring in a matter of one year... In fact to make things more ironic Ma'am retires today. Preposterous!!!

I know that I have a huge propensity of getting institutionalised. But then again, this is not just about them alone.. Goswami and Dantes are somewhere very tightly packed together with other memories that involves a lot many other people and yeah, some other memories as well.. For them to retire is kind of like the knell sounding for everything..

I dont know, to be honest, how to react. Right from the time, day before, I came to know about Dantes retiring as well, well, I am not well. At first I thought that I shall unjoin from all the school related forums on Orkut. I dont know why that ever crossed my mind. I guess its an angry rush at everything. Yes! for once I am angry that I am growing old... I am angry that the world is trying to tell me that its normal - no its not, come on, how can it be so to realise that all that you cherish shall and is coming to a halt!!!! And yes, I've read those fancy lines about these things being like a chapter coming to an end - BULLSHIT!!! This is the bloody whole book ending. I didnt ask for it - so bloody hell I've a right to be angry.

"For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone."

These lines were first explained by Mr. Dantes quite a few years back. In all my sincerity I believed that I understood them, only to realise today that then I knew only a part of it. The tremendous craving of an individual to keep even memories to himself, safe and wrapped up, attempting to relish them forever for one's own self-fulfillment is indeed painful and perhaps the primordial 'error'.

Goswami and Dantes kind of represents my idealism, my hope, my dreams, may be because it was largely for them that I learnt to dream. Its indeed a mad rush now inside my brain - I can see Goswami shouting (literally) in class about Tom Brown's Schooldays, her innumerable quips; I can see Dantes reading out 'Et tu Brute!', as also never agreeing with my interpretation of the last lines of 'Song of Myself'... But this is how I learnt to dream.

I dont know, why I am typing this out and that too publishing it on the net. My blog has always been about nostalgia I guess; be it the post on returning home for Pujo or the picture albums of Manipal, Jaisalmer, New York.... I know that this coming summer shall be the last one that we school friends shall be able to spend together.. Life forcing us out of the immediate life of each other.. Goswami retiring today, and Dantes a year after... Amidst all this may be this is my means of having a cathartic remedy of the malady of my life.....